Dear Santa,

I'm writing a letter in response to the christmas present you gave me, and i don't where to start, so I'll start by saying this...WHAT THE HELL?! First of all, the thought of me enjoying a red sweater with grey stripes is rediculous, not only do those colours not go well together, but this sweater is not compatable with my play station 2, or my digital video disk player. Secondly, what the hell kind of wraping job was that? I could make a gift more presentable with used toiletpaper! And thirdly, you spelt your own friggen name wrong, instead of from Santa: you put from Satan! I was frightened and confused and sorta hungry!

However, there is a way of redemption! First off, my friend yoav is sad that he never gets any presents because he's jewish, he has a chimney too u know, and it's cleaner than most others. Second, i always thought it would be clever if New York was changed to New Dork, thats the best i can come up with, but see what you can do. And thirdly, a car would be swell, tell the elves who make it i like lots of cup holders. I want the ultimate party car, cause people have places to put their many drinks.

Thank you good an fat sir,

love Greg